I lay awake at night trying to mentally prepare myself for what's to come, but to be honest I don't think I can really prepare for what we're fixing to have to go through. No one should ever have to see a sweet new baby suffer and fighting to live as soon as it gets here...little alone having to watch my child go through this... So much is in the air (and only God knows the ultimate outcome) and I think that's what's so scary to me. I know God has given us Andrew for a reason...and I'm glad he's going to Shaun and I. We have and will always do any and everything for our children. There are times where we both feel like we've let them down, but we always make it through hard times even stronger.
I have experienced a lot of "unwanted" emotions that I can't really help or explain. You wonder why some other people get healthy babies and you dont...especially when you do everything right during pregnancy. Then there are days when I wake up and I'm just ready to get this heart journey started and this long wait over with...then you actually get down to the Children's heart center in Atlanta and I fight tears the entire time I'm in that place. Your mind tells yourself it's ready and when you get there your heart goes in so many different directions and doesn't really know how to process all the emotions you're feeling. No one will truly experience and understand what Shaun and I are feeling (unless they've gone through the same thing themselves). As a parent you are put here on this earth to protect and take care of your children in any and every way possible. This one's out of our hands and in the hands of doctors (which we are lucky he's going to be at a good hospital!). Most helpless feeling you will ever have to experience as a parent.
So...I just wanted to get a little off my chest. I know I haven't really been updating as much...just lots of stress on our end lately. Andrews appointments last week went well. Right now we're just waiting. The doctor down at Grady is wanting to take him July 20th-21st last we asked/heard. So waiting on the for sure set date and getting through these next few weeks. I'll update when things are set in stone.Prayers for our little boy please. He's so happy and active right now. I just pray he keeps this up as he goes into his first open heart surgery in a few weeks.