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Three weeks and counting

6/30/2014

1 Comment

 
Well today is literally the last day of June which means my little boy will be here in three weeks. I have researched and researched, followed heart families...watched heart families get stronger, or some lose their sweet heart babies. My emotions are all over the place. My husband and I have been a little more on edge and quick to snap...but I'm sure we're not the only heart parents who have experienced all these emotions towards the end. I know God has perfect timing and will hopefully let everything fall into place for our family, but this past month has been hard for us.

I lay awake at night trying to mentally prepare myself for what's to come, but to be honest I don't think I can really prepare for what we're fixing to have to go through. No one should ever have to see a sweet new baby suffer and fighting to live as soon as it gets here...little alone having to watch my child go through this... So much is in the air (and only God knows the ultimate outcome) and I think that's what's so scary to me. I know God has given us Andrew for a reason...and I'm glad he's going to Shaun and I. We have and will always do any and everything for our children. There are times where we both feel like we've let them down, but we always make it through hard times even stronger.

I have experienced a lot of "unwanted" emotions that I can't really help or explain. You wonder why some other people get healthy babies and you dont...especially when you do everything right during pregnancy. Then there are days when I wake up and I'm just ready to get this heart journey started and this long wait over with...then you actually get down to the Children's heart center in Atlanta and I fight tears the entire time I'm in that place. Your mind tells yourself it's ready and when you get there your heart goes in so many different directions and doesn't really know how to process all the emotions you're feeling. No one will truly experience and understand what Shaun and I are feeling (unless they've gone through the same thing themselves). As a parent you are put here on this earth to protect and take care of your children in any and every way possible. This one's out of our hands and in the hands of doctors (which we are lucky he's going to be at a good hospital!). Most helpless feeling you will ever have to experience as a parent.

So...I just wanted to get a little off my chest. I know I haven't really been updating as much...just lots of stress on our end lately. Andrews appointments last week went well. Right now we're just waiting. The doctor down at Grady is wanting to take him July 20th-21st last we asked/heard. So waiting on the for sure set date and getting through these next few weeks. I'll update when things are set in stone.Prayers for our little boy please. He's so happy and active right now. I just pray he keeps this up as he goes into his first open heart surgery in a few weeks.
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It's been a while...

6/10/2014

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I know I've been a little "quiet" lately on all of our pages for Andrew. I've kind of gone into my own little world and hiding away from reality I guess. With each week it gets closer and closer and the stresses continue to grow for us. I think every single test you can have done has come back with something "out of the ordinary" or needs redone. I have literally just felt like a lab rat he past few months. I have had to do more blood tests then I think I have with all my pregnancies combined, been hospitalized for dehydration and other things for a night, genetics test came back non reportable, had to do the 24 hour urine test for preeclampsia, and just went Monday for an echo on my heart. They spent over an hour looking at my heart this time which was a lot longer than last time. So I'm hoping at tomorrow's specialist visit I will have gotten all my results back from all these tests and not get any kind of bad news. We have been going to 2-3 doctors a week the past month it feels like and have started having to see our specialist weekly now since I'll be 33 weeks this week. I seriously can't believe it's already mid June. Andrew will be here in 5-6 weeks...I hope that life will calm down just long enough to enjoy time with our girls before we have to leave them when we go into the hospital with Andrew.

Something that I tend to do a lot is lay awake and think...ALL the time lately. 3-4 months ago I sat thinking...why me?! Why my little boy?! But...I began to think about the heart God gave me for those with special needs or the "sick"
. When I was in elementary and middle school I would go down and help in the special education room and talk to and interact with all of these children that were wheelchair bound or had special needs in all various ways. I grew up with best friends with special needs and always felt like their "protector" and friend of normalcy that didn't see them as someone with a special need. I used to sit down and read to my blind friends in the library or work with them on their braille, guided them down the hallways, or helped load the children in wheelchairs on their buses after school.

When my pawpaw was alive we (my sister and I) were called his "little nurses". We would run to the door every day after he would get home from work (cutting trees down etc) and have a big tall glass of ice water and the first aid kid. He had diabetes and other things too so I always helped prepare his medicines and cut his prescriptions/pills in half and place them in each day for him to take.
Then a few years down the road he got very sick with cancer and I was helping take care of him everyday with whatever he needed, helping with making his various medicines, and by his side throughout the day while my step-grandmother went to work. I've even been known to stop and help injured animals or stranded animals before too...so I think God has given me a task ahead that He knows I can handle and that He built me for...it's just taken some time to come to terms with my son's diagnosis.

No one wants to see their baby go through what these sweet tough little babies have to go through. I think out of everything and all the feelings I've felt I'm most upset about what I'm going to have to watch our son fight through and know that there's nothing I can do to ease his pain or make him better. Everyone knows a mother's natural instinct is to pick up their hurting child and kiss away "boo boos" and rock and love on their baby until they feel better...I just pray that God gives me the strength to be that strong part of Andrew's recovery and surgeries. I have learned to be strong in everything I face and try to be the strength in bad situations and not let on to too much "emotions" from my part, but with Andrew I can't say that I can stand there and not get upset and cry when I see him after surgery or when I turn him over to the hands of doctors after he's born. That's going to be really hard for me.

I was very blessed with such a supportive husband though. For the past ten years come August my husband has been able to comfort me in a way that no one else ever has been able to. Once God pairs you with that one person on earth that makes you feel safe and like you can face anything that gets thrown your way it doesn't make things seem so "bad". He may not always show his emotions, but I just know him and he knows me and we know when we need each other. I couldn't have been placed with a better person to face this fight with. Our son has a great daddy that displays so much strength and courage when it feels like there's none there at times. We will all get through this together and come out even stronger. That's what we've come to realize with each hardship we've had to face over the years. :)

On a good note, my husband's work is really been a huge blessing with all of this and Andrew's situation. It has been a huge stress worrying if he was going to get his paid time and vacation days and well...all things worked out in our favor and has helped relieve a little of the financial worries.

We have a bunch of other stressful things going on right now outside of medical stuff that we can use some silent prayer requests on. The good Lord knows our needs and I know everything will fall into place in His timing...Better go for now, specialist tomorrow and hoping to find good results from all my testing and that mommy's heart is doing okay too! Please keep the prayers for baby Andrew coming he will be here before we know it!

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    AUTHOR:

    My name's Chasity Rhodes and I have been married to my husband Shaun for ten years now. We have three little girls and a very special little boy! We are your average goofy family who has always been huge on spending time together. We wouldn't have it any other way! Follow us through our journey with our son (who was diagnosed with HLHS).

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